Joel Wayne

Joel Wayne is a writer from Boise, Idaho. Below you'll find some of his featured work and unfinished business.

The Pith Report: Aunt Shows 32-Year Old Nephew How to Work Shower

In a bid to get hired by The Onion, I once launched and maintained a satirical news blog. The plan was unsuccessful but the blog was, oddly, instrumental in landing my first job in advertising. A mix of new and recycled entries, this is The Pith Report.

Aunt Shows 32-Year Old Nephew How to Work Shower

CHICKASHA, OK – Arletta Pahl showed her visiting, 32-year old nephew how to work their shower, it was reported Wednesday. After a quiet dinner and a collective viewing of CSI: Miami, nephew Jayson Pahl decided to ‘turn in for the night,’ prompting his aunt’s surprise lesson on how the guest bathroom shower functions. “It can be a little quirky,” Pahl informed her Harvard-graduate nephew. “You have to pull this stopper out to make the shower start.” Added Pahl: “If it doesn’t get hot enough right away, wait a minute and then twist the knob a little further to the left.” Before bidding her nephew goodnight, Pahl also asked if he needed an alarm set for any specific time. “If you use the one beside your bed, make sure to push the switch all the way to the left or it isn’t really set. And you might wanna check the volume because someone may have turned it down.” The younger Pahl reportedly thanked his aunt, slipped into his pajamas, and read an essay by Luis Borges before falling asleep.