Joel Wayne

Joel Wayne is a writer from Boise, Idaho. Below you'll find some of his featured work and unfinished business.

The Pith Report: Man Desperately Searching For Product That Doesn’t Exist

In a bid to get hired by The Onion, I once launched and maintained a satirical news blog. The plan was unsuccessful but the blog was, oddly, instrumental in landing my first job in advertising. A mix of new and recycled entries, this is The Pith Report.


Man Desperately Searching For Product That Doesn’t Exist

READING, PA – Harvey Whipple, a divorced father of three, is desperately hunting for a product that does not actually exist, sources reported Friday. Hitting the town after an early breakfast, Whipple drove from store to store after an unsuccessful attempt to find the non-existent item on Amazon or eBay. “It’s a little thing that you put on your computer so you can hear your own voice,” Whipple explained to a befuddled Radio Shack employee. After calling on his day manager for help – who unsuccessfully suggested software, stereo cables, headphones, and a set of speakers – Whipple stormed out of the electronics shop and headed over to Best Buy. “I had no idea what he was looking for,” said Best Buy employee Britney Catham. “At first, I thought he was talking about a wireless headset, then a microphone, but he got really upset when I didn’t understand what he wanted.” After departing Best Buy in a huff, Whipple muttered something about “checking the mall” and then proceeded to drive in the wrong direction after exiting the parking lot.